Yesterday Jeremy Buckner and I went out and did a couple of bids in Scottsdale. The day was sunny and not as hot as usual in the North Valley. We were having a good day.
Then came the bad. As we were leaving the last house, I cut across the porch to head out the side gate. Going from the bright sun into the shade was a little blinding, and I didn't happen to see the four inch tall drop off of the porch.
I probably would have been fine if the edge of my shoe hadn't caught on the top of the curb as I was moving forward. But naturally my shoe did catch the edge, and as I fell my ankle rolled to the side and I felt a nasty crunch and it hurt-- alot! Since I was moving pretty fast, my landing was extra hard and I somehow managed to skin my knees, elbow, and abraded my palm as I hit the 120 degree pavers. I lay there for a moment frying slowly on the hot stone, and did a quick self-diagnostic check. I flexed my foot up and down, and according to Jeremy I had a shocking grimace on my face.
Naturally, the first words out of Jeremy's mouth were, "Dude, did you fall?!
Ummmm.... Yeah. I wanted to say all kinds of sarcastic things to him, but all I could come up with at the moment was a feeble, "Aaaarrrgh?"
At first he thought I hit my head on the corner of the steel deck chair that was laying a few inches from my head. Good thing it didn't or I'd have been holding a flap of skin closed over my blood-covered scalp; that is, unless I would have knocked myself out cold.
I got to my feet and tested my ankle. It hurt, but no shooting pain and I could walk on it. I'm not sure when Jeremy started laughing, but he did. According to him it was when he realized just how dramatic it is when I fall down. And how epic the landing always is.
See the problem is, when I start to fall, my reflexes take over and fight tooth-and-nail to stay upright. Add to that my huge feet that give me enough balance to stay up for a few seconds longer but not enough to regain it completely, and the problem is exacerbated, because I will literally run myself into the ground, adding painful velocity every step of the way.
My tumbling, running falls are always grand. And painful. And comical to all who see it.
The pain wasn't so bad last night. I was able to stand for a half-hour cooking baleadas without any problems. But this morning I hurt more. Much more. It doesn't feel broken, but maybe it is. We'll see.
8 comments:
HAHAHAHAHA!
I can picture it all perfectly. Wish I was there to witness it.
I also fell. Going down in the basement I missed the last step. It was dark. I landed on my stomach. It hurts
Ouch. Always watch out for that bottom step.
At the folk's place in Utah, I once missed the bottom step on the upstairs landing, and wound up sitting on my heel. It hurt like crazy, 'cause my knee doesn't like to bend that far.
After that I started unconsciously counting the steps as I went down them so I could do it even in the dark.
Start counting them off.
Not to be left out...I fell down the stairs last night as well. It was on the turn of the odd shaped triangle steps. I was stepping down when my foot caught on the edge of the previous step so it just kept on sliding down the steps. I landed on my rear and just kept sliding with it. Counting steps wouldn't help me with that, just not being a klutz!
Geniuses.
That staircase is a menace.
But the real problem, guys, is that the gravity field here in the Valley has been exhibiting some rather strange anomalies recently.
According to the official IGFAT website, the geothermic F-T layer that rings the Valley has been emitting a whopping .00023 increase in the Iridiumic Polyseismic Wave Pulses (IPWP) that radiate out in a monoconcentric pattern in Maricopa County. This has resulted in an unprecedented increase in inner-ear vestibular neuritis which has been causing so many perfectly graceful individuals to suddenly start tripping and falling like Buster Keaton in a warehouse full of banana peels.
There are those, such as preeminent scholar David Icke, who are attributing the DARPA orbital deep penetration Kirlian radar photography used by University of Santa Fe archaeologists to find the ancient Anasazi Kenikahae "spirit roads" as responsible for causing this radiating cerebellar ataxia, but members of the Fortean Times Investigative Bureau have directly accused French-funded Weather Underground covert militants of using stolen MK-ULTRA techniques to bankrupt the failing health care industry of Arizona and illegally influence the upcoming election.
All I know is that there has been a definite sense of imbalance, unease, and unreasonable intolerance for stupidity in me lately, which I've only been able to attribute to societal and environmental pressures until now. With all of this research that I can only deem as sufficient, as well as the empirical evidence, I've come to the conclusion that one of these theories Must be true.
Everything I've written here is absolutely accurate, except for this sentence. Fnord.
The answer is simple...
The aged tend to fall more easily than the young.
Dude, that head shot clip is so freaking funny...I watch it if I need to laugh
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